Saturday, October 8, 2011

I Can Feel it in My Bones...

You know how in movies there are those old people that stand there all dignified and stuff and then they point off into the distance and have the sun gleaming behind them to make the perfect picture and then they say, "A storm is coming.  I can feel it in my bones."

And then you're sitting there watching the movie and you're like, this would be so much better if they were wearing a straw hat or holding a pitchfork or something.

Yeah, well I've also been there and what I'm usually thinking is, "They're full of it.  There's no way they can 'feel' a storm coming in their bones. I mean, really.  Who are we kidding?  At this point, I usually have one hip popped out to the side and my head is moving back and forth with one eyebrow raised and my lips are pursed and my fingers are snapping back and forth and I'm gettin' my "girl, you trippin'" attitude on.  It's usually pretty legit.

Well, I'm here to tell you and my tripping alter ego that I've been wrong.  All these years I've been wrong about the whole "feeling it in your bones" thing!  Because folks, IT'S REAL.  I know it is.  And do you want to know how I know this?

It is because I can feel it in my bones.  This is for real.

Last week, it was 80+ degrees around here.  Then a few days ago, it was still pretty warm, but my wrist started hurting.  Real bad.

Then the next day the temperature dropped 40 degrees.  My wrist told me it was going to do that.

It's real guys.  But I have a theory.  I broke my wrist about six months ago (okay, so I only chipped a bone in my wrist, but that sounds way less cool so I choose to exaggerate).  I think that it's because now I have a crummy wrist so I get this extra special talent of predicting the weather.  I'm serious.  That's why the old people are the ones who usually sense the oncoming tornado or whatever.  It's because they have creaky bones and stuff.  Come on, guys!  This is real!  Tell your grandma she's not crazy!

You still don't believe me?  Well then listen to this: I also have a lame foot and it gets especially swollen and painful right as it starts to get freezing cold around here.  You Utahns know what I mean when I say cold.  You know, the "oh yeah, let's just all of a sudden be 12 degrees and cause Stacy's foot to send in a personal request to the Axe Man to come chop said foot and attached leg off and replace it with a peg leg because that would probably be much less painful and BONUS FEATURE!!! her shoes would fit again!"

It only happens when it's cold, so obviously this proves my theory. And I mean, come on, if your wrist looked like this six months ago, how could it not have special powers now?

Riddle me that one, Sherlock.

No comments: