Sunday, November 29, 2009

Just for Ducks

The following emails are the inspiration for this blog post.

Can you mention me in one of your future blog posts? "Just for ducks" (As opposed to "Just for fun")
Can you dedicate an entire entry to me. Thank you.

Peace out Boob
Anyway, Thomas is my little brother and he's hilarious.  Let's not kid ourselves, all of my siblings are histerical, but since he asked to have a blog post written about him, I figured I should focus on him.


4:42 PM Thomas: sugarboobs
4:43 PM me: what the??
 Thomas: its from the office
 me: pooky plum
  you watch the office??
 Thomas: no it was just a clip i saw
 me: ahhh, well isn't that just precious
4:44 PM Thomas: well since i have a life i have better things to do
  peace out boob Thomas: what are you doing
 me: typing to you
  jessica is doing my hair
 Thomas: no your not
 me: you're
  yes i am
 Thomas: shes gonna mess up
 me: probably
 Thomas: with out a doubt 
When me and Jake went to Jalyn's new beginnings the other day we were with mom and so of course we were early. Jake and i got bored so we decided to play a little prank. This was in the primary room with the electric piano. So Jake went and unplugged the piano. When the meeting started they started with a song. Sis. Mann was going to play the piano. We looked over and she was trying to turn on the piano. She kept jabbing the power over and over until she finally figured out it was unplugged. Random, but funny
Facebook messages from my sister concerning him:

  Dear Stacy,
Just so you know, Thomas made a new angel for our tree because he told mom (after all these years) that he thought the angel that mom always puts at the top of the tree is ugly. Mom was quite put out. I had asked who made it cuz I assumed it was going to be one of us when we were five or something, and she... told us that some sister (from church) had made it for her. And that was when Tom told her he thought it was ugly. So he made a new one. And he asked us "Does anyone know how to make a paper sphere?" So he made the head square instead. And he gave her gold ribbons for hair. This will be the exciting thing that you can't wait to come home and see.

March 27: guess what??? we made leprechaun traps yesterday. and guess what happened? we got candy! you should have seen tom's. he put pins at the bottom of his. quote: "This leprechaun wont be escaping me this time!" hahahaha i love St. Patrick's day.

Thomas: "The only difference between Stacy and Malcolm is that Stacy is potty-trained."

"Thumbs up if it's a chicken"...Ah the joy of Pictionary.  STORY TIME: well, we were playing Pictionary, us kids against mom and dad and Jake was trying to draw something....a dog I think...but we had no idea what he was drawing and he couldn't nod or anything, so Tom, thinking it was a chicken, said these words that made history. THE END.

"I get 1000 hugs from 10,000 lightning bugs" Tom: "You can't get hugs from lightning bugs. Have you ever heard of being struck by lightning? You die."

It's just been many silly things. Like I'll tell Tom exactly what to do, like mix all dry ingredients together before adding to the liquid portion, and he just adds the sugar straight into the liquid part. Or I'll tell him to use a tablespoon, and he tries to use a teaspoon. Just little things like that.

Thomas regularly makes fun of the American Girl books.  As you may know, each girl has six books with the same titles.  Ex: Meet Addy, Addy learns a Lesson, etc.  Thomas has decided Addy needed an addition. "Addy gets a whippin'."

here is a message to the american girl company from a customer (aka Tom)
Type your depressing message here... when i was a little boy my mother gave me a Molly american girl doll. i had always liked to read the stories and you can’t even imagine the joy i felt when i received the doll. over the years the other kids in my 6th grade class started to make fun of me when i would bring in the doll to play with at lunch. some of them tore out her hair; others bent her knee backwards crippling Molly forever. Molly looked rather hideous with the bald patches and the crippled leg. i tried hot gluing brown yarn to her scalp but it didn’t help her appearance whatsoever. i started being depressed all the time. no one would be my friend just because of that doll. i joined a gang because they were the only ones who didn’t know about me and the doll. we call ourselves scrap. we sometimes beat other gangs up and one time some gang guy robbed my house of all of my families belonging. we now live in a homeless shelter and now i can’t go to college. this all happened because of that stupid molly. i don't know what to do with my life. i feel like jumping off the golden gate bridge. i wish american girl never existed; it has torn my family apart. i hate you all.
dick crowder

Seriously, this is the tip of the iceberg.  There are so many other funny things that he has said.  He randomly sends me pictures of things like a closeup of my mom waxing her lip, his picture that comes up when he gmail chats with me is of elmo, and regularly says the word "tapeworm."  I'm not kidding when I say that kid is going to have all the girlfriends.  I hate this, because there are seriously so many more things I could write about.  Last year when he made his Leprechaun trap, he wrote "Come in" in three languages, one of which was Arabic.  This summer, we put a waterbottle in the middle of the road and drove over it to watch it explode.  He dances so funny.  He can come up with a joke no matter what the conversation is about.  He makes the funniest faces, occasionally makes Snuggie comercials, and calls me "level stick" because my booty is so flat.  He races girls to class just because he thinks it's funny.  He's a genius.  He always tells such the funny stories.  Whenever I say, "Peace out, boo," he thinks it hilarious to say "Peace out, boob."  He knows everything about the gangs in our hometown, and will probably join one of them in the next few years.  He "paints" my fingernails with blue and orange markers as if he were a 3-yr-old.  He makes crime scenes in our bathroom when he thinks there's too much hair.

He makes funny movies with me for FHE and then puts the beginning of a conference talk at the beginning to trick my mom.  

He's not too hard on the eyes, either.  If I could figure out how to post videos, let me tell you.  Amazing things would be happening right now.  But I don't have Thomas around (the resident know-how-to-do-everything-related-to-technology guy.)


All in all, I love that kid.  I love my whole family.  It's the greatest.  Oh, and in a year, when he's 16, feel free to give me a call and I will set your 16-yr-old female friend with him.  The line may be long, but I'll be sure to put in a good word.


Renee said...

That kid just sounds plain weird! Who are his parents anyway?

Jared Benson said...

what a funny little man

Tom said...