And Then I Rememberd How Awesome My Family Is

Courtesy of Jalyn:

I am here to relate to you the conversation we had before we read scriptures tonight. It was so fabulous, I thought I would record it for your enjoyment. Some sections may have been deleted because I don't have a perfect memory, but I think I'll get all the best parts.

Jalyn: Dad, is it true that you got Mom a heating pad for your first anniversary?
Dad: Yeah, that's true.
Mom: It was for my first birthday.
Dad: Oh.
Jalyn: So...what were you thinking? Did you think she was going to be pregnant soon?
Dad: I don't know what I was thinking. I must have been thinking something though. I think I asked someone for a suggestion.
Mom: Yeah, a guy who wasn't married. But I love that heating pad. When I told Matthew, he asked if I used it every four weeks for a certain event. I told him I never got cramps back then.
Tom: Cramps...?
Jalyn: What?? You never got cramps?! I always get cramps!
Jake: What are you talking about?
Tom: Wait...I'm putting it together...every 4 weeks...cramps...
Jalyn: We're talking about the fact that Mom and I turn into wolves every 4 weeks at the full moon.
Tom: No, you mean you act as savage as wolves every 4 weeks.
Jalyn: At the full moon.
Tom: Yeah, you have moon swings.
Dad: Hey, there's a full moon tonight!
Jalyn: I know. That's why I wanted to read scriptures early so that at 8:00, Mom and I can go terrorize the village as wolves.
Tom: With all the other women.
Jake: Mom, I think that since I was born in March, I am titled to being a werewolf too.
(Tom and Jalyn laugh hysterically)
Tom: He doesn't even know what we're talking about.
Mom: Well, he will because he is having Human Development day on Thursday.
Tom: Oooooh...he'll get THE TALK. I was wondering why he knew so little. It's like in Anne Frank...wait, Jalyn, did you see that Anne Frank movie-
Jalyn: Yeah, the one where she wakes up one night-
Tom: And looks at her bed, smiles-
Jalyn: Then goes to the bathroom and cries?
Tom: She became a woman.
Jalyn: But she didn't get to spend much time as a woman.
Mom: It's so sad. She never got the opportunity to marry.
Tom: Mom, she dated Peter.
Jalyn: Yeah, they had a date in Peter's room.
Dad: With soda!
Tom: That's all Dad remembers about the story of Anne Frank. Nothing else mattered but the soda.
Dad: Hey, that's what I try with Mom. I say "Hey baby, I got some soda."
Mom: I would never go into your bedroom. (Pauses) Without being married to you.
Jalyn: I don't remember much about Human Development day when I was in 6th grade. I just remember that I looked over and they were sticking something in a cup full of water.
Jake: What? What was it?
Tom: Oh...you mean a-
Dad: Let's read scriptures.

I have dictated this whole conversation just for you. Enjoy.